3 more days!!

Posted by: hncotton on: August 30, 2012

• In: Personal | Running
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I now have 3 more days until my first half marathon!

Yesterday it hit me all at once, and I suddenly became really nervous. These weren’t the usual pre-race nerves. These were “FIRST HALF MARATHON…YES, THAT MEANS 13.1 MILES!!” nerves. I was shaky, my stomach was in knots. I just felt awful.

I managed to calm myself down, though. I’m back to being excited again.

I just want to not worry, not freak out. I want to relax and enjoy the experience of my first half marathon. There’s nothing to freak out over. Nothing to be nervous about. I’m not going for a time goal. My goal is to finish in the 4 hour time limit. And I could do that just walking. Which I’ll be doing more than walking some of the time.

I’m not racing against anyone. I’m not even racing against myself. This is my first half marathon. I have no time to beat. I just want to prove to myself that I can do it.

And I’ve had so many words of encouragement and really awesome things from people. I know I have the love and support of people behind me, and with that, I know I can do this. I have nothing to worry about. I’ve had people tell me that because of what I’m doing, I’ve inspired them to become more active and start running. That’s amazing to me. I’m inspiring other people. And that inspires and motivates me to continue to do this and push myself and go farther.

People may not realize it or even believe it, but running and completing these races has been a life changing experience for me. And it’s not even done yet. I honestly believe finishing this half marathon will change something in me.

I only wish my mom was alive and well to experience all this with me. She would be my biggest supporter, my biggest cheerleader. I know that she would, without a doubt, be at every race, cheering me on without me even asking her to. She would listen to me talk endlessly about it. She would be just as excited about things as I am. She would calm me down when I’m nervous. And she would always, always let me know how proud of me she was. I know I could count on her for that. But that’s how my mom was or would have been. Maybe dads just aren’t like that. I don’t know. Or maybe it’s just mine. I just know I miss my mom right now more than ever.

But I’m almost 30. Old enough to be proud of myself. To be my own cheerleader. To be my own biggest supporter. To calm myself down. And I write in my journal endlessly about these things.

3 more days. And I’ll be a half marathon momma!