Archive for August 2012
I now have 3 more days until my first half marathon!
Yesterday it hit me all at once, and I suddenly became really nervous. These weren’t the usual pre-race nerves. These were “FIRST HALF MARATHON…YES, THAT MEANS 13.1 MILES!!” nerves. I was shaky, my stomach was in knots. I just felt awful.
I managed to calm myself down, though. I’m back to being excited again.
I just want to not worry, not freak out. I want to relax and enjoy the experience of my first half marathon. There’s nothing to freak out over. Nothing to be nervous about. I’m not going for a time goal. My goal is to finish in the 4 hour time limit. And I could do that just walking. Which I’ll be doing more than walking some of the time.
I’m not racing against anyone. I’m not even racing against myself. This is my first half marathon. I have no time to beat. I just want to prove to myself that I can do it.
And I’ve had so many words of encouragement and really awesome things from people. I know I have the love and support of people behind me, and with that, I know I can do this. I have nothing to worry about. I’ve had people tell me that because of what I’m doing, I’ve inspired them to become more active and start running. That’s amazing to me. I’m inspiring other people. And that inspires and motivates me to continue to do this and push myself and go farther.
People may not realize it or even believe it, but running and completing these races has been a life changing experience for me. And it’s not even done yet. I honestly believe finishing this half marathon will change something in me.
I only wish my mom was alive and well to experience all this with me. She would be my biggest supporter, my biggest cheerleader. I know that she would, without a doubt, be at every race, cheering me on without me even asking her to. She would listen to me talk endlessly about it. She would be just as excited about things as I am. She would calm me down when I’m nervous. And she would always, always let me know how proud of me she was. I know I could count on her for that. But that’s how my mom was or would have been. Maybe dads just aren’t like that. I don’t know. Or maybe it’s just mine. I just know I miss my mom right now more than ever.
But I’m almost 30. Old enough to be proud of myself. To be my own cheerleader. To be my own biggest supporter. To calm myself down. And I write in my journal endlessly about these things.
3 more days. And I’ll be a half marathon momma!
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At this very moment, in one week I’ll be trying to find my corral to start my very first half marathon. I should be nervous and freaking out but I’m not. I’m really excited! I can’t wait! I still can’t believe I’m doing this! Somehow I feel like I’m just ready for this. Like it’s time for me to do this.
I never thought I’d be ready at this time, though. That’s why I never registered for the Crawlin Crab Half Marathon. That’s why I said I wasn’t ready. But I am ready for this half marathon. I’m ready to do this.
My only goal for the Rock N Roll Half Marathon is to finish. There is no goal time other than to finish before the 4 hour time limit. I will not be beating myself up over anything this time.
The Shamrock Half Marathon will be what I set a goal time for. It’s what I’m training for. I have 29 weeks left until the Shamrock Half Marathon. 29 weeks to train, to lose weight, to get in shape.
This is definitely going to be a challenge for me. But it’s going to be worth it. And the feeling crossing that finish line, the accomplishment of it all…some say it may even be life changing.
A week can’t pass soon enough!
Yes, this is a shocking announcement, even to myself.
At the expo for the Rock N Roll Half Marathon, I will be upgrading to the Half Marathon. So instead of doing 3.1 miles in 2 weeks, I’ll be doing 13.1.
Am I crazy? Probably.
See, here’s the thing. Shaine and I were planning on doing the 2 person relay for the half marathon. She would do the 7.9 miles and I would finish and do the 5.2. Well, turns out, they don’t allow half marathon registrations to be transferred to relay. So…something in the back of my mind dared me to do it. I don’t know, maybe I just got a little brave. Maybe I was just feeling really good and motivated at the time. Still am. So, apparently my first half marathon will be a lot sooner than the Shamrock. My first half marathon will be before I turn 30. Which was a thought that occurred to me after I decided to do it.
We’re going on a long run today so we’ll see how that goes. Somehow I feel like I’m ready for this. Like it’ll be okay. Like I’m up for the challenge. Or maybe that I just need this challenge. Whatever it is, I hope I have everyone’s support. I hope at least someone will be there for me cheering me on.
Yesterday was the Coast Guard Day 5k in Yorktown, VA. It was my third race, my second 5k. The morning was actually kind of warm. My other two races were in cooler weather so not really used to running a race in the heat. And did it show!
I had a hard time in the beginning. That’s what really got me. And I was definitely upset with myself. I was probably the only person out there actually fussing at myself. I’m sure I looked ridiculous. My best friend Shaine just kept right with me, though, most of the way, even though she could have gone on and gotten a better time. She kept pushing me, telling me I could do it. I just don’t know what was wrong with me.
I know I was upset for two reasons, because of two certain people, which I will not name. People that aren’t supportive of this, of me, and really upset me the night before and the morning of.
But I ended up pushing through during the last half of the race and finishing 48:57. I could have done better. In fact, my last 5k time was 44:55. BUT I finished. And I wasn’t the last one to finish. Based on the practice runs…err, walks…the weeks before, I would have thought it’d have taken me an hour to finish. But I did better than I thought I would. I finished. Which should be all that matters, really. I didn’t quit. I didn’t give up, even though we did pass by the car and I so wanted to just go sit in the car and blast the a/c. But I kept going.
I have to give a big thank you Shaine for pushing me to keep going and compromising her own time just to do it. She’s an awesome friend and running partner. And a thanks goes out to a woman named Jennifer who we met along the way, who I talked with, who also motivated me.
That’s one thing about the running community. Everyone is so supportive of each other, so helpful, so understanding. Whether they’re a 6 minute miler or a 20 minute miler, everyone there encourages everyone else, no passing judgement, no making anyone feel bad for getting a slower time. It’s all pats on the back and “good job” no matter your size, no matter your speed. Whether you walk or run, everyone is on your side. And that’s what I love.
I can’t say that I don’t hope to do better in my next race. I’ll definitely try to prepare a little more. Be a little more relaxed and not worry so much about it the night before. I get so worked up and my nerves go crazy, I think that’s part of the problem. Like I’ve said before, I still can’t believe I’m doing this. I still can’t believe I’M out there, ME, running in a race. A year ago, if you would have told me I’d be on my 3rd race and training for a half marathon, I’d have told you you were out of your mind! But it’s happening. So, I better get used to it. And the people in my life better get used to it. Because there’s a lot more to come from me. This is just the beginning.
I’ve mentioned before about how a big part of this is about weight loss and getting into shape. I’ve been doing some research and while reading a few of these books, I’ve learned that weight loss isn’t just a physical process. It’s a emotional and psychological process as well. You really have to work on yourself.
It’s not always “oh I just felt like eating these cookies and chips and didn’t stop for no reason.” There’s something behind it. Some emotional pain. Something in your mind weighing on you. Something inside you you need to face and just let go of.
For me, it’s many things. I’ve had some issues along the way. I can’t say things have been wonderful. It’s been hard at times. I’m sure there are other people in different situations who could have had it worse off than myself, but that doesn’t mean I was affected any less by what’s gone on in my life.
People make mistakes in their life. People screw up sometimes. It gives no one, no matter who it is, the right to call them worthless or things similar to that. Especially by people they are supposed to be close to. After awhile, they start to feel that way. They start to wonder if they really are like that if THIS certain person thinks of them this way. It’s heartbreaking going everyday being unsupported and feeling unloved by someone you think should love you unconditionally. It’s a feeling that makes it hard to speak. Even keeps you up at 3 in the morning some nights.
But, there comes a time when you realize, no matter who that person is, that they are the way that they are. It doesn’t and shouldn’t affect you. No matter what you do, they’ll always be that way. Nothing will change it. You have to realize that you’re stronger than that. That you CAN get past it. That their words have no power over you and what you can do. And maybe, just maybe they are part of what’s been holding you back.
So, I’m letting it go. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. Maybe that person will change, maybe they won’t. Who knows. All I know is I can’t let it hurt me anymore the way that they are. The way that they treat me.
So, it’s day 4 into my 33 week plan and it’s going okay so far. I could definitely be doing a lot better but I’m doing alright. Plan on getting up early tomorrow morning for an early morning walk/run. We’ll see if I actually get up early enough, though!
I did manage to come up with some short term goals the other day. I will try along the way to come up with daily and weekly goals but for now I think I’m good.
It’s a new month, so I’m going to try to work on consistency. Making sure I log my food and fitness into sparkpeople everyday along with my binder. And I’m really going to try to post a blog everyday if I can. Not sure how interesting every single day will be but there will be something here!
I’m not quite sure how ready I will be this weekend for my 5k. I have a bad feeling I won’t be beating my last time of 44:55. My time lately just hasn’t been working out that way. But I’ll finish. In time or not, I’ll finish!
Well, off to do some more things and then I’m going to bed. Night all!