Archive for September 2013
There’s a saying that goes “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” I’m not so sure about that.
I wish I could say I was happy. That things are improving. But they aren’t. They only thing good that has happened to me lately is I’ve lost 10 lbs in the last two weeks. And that’s due to the fact that I took myself off of the migraine preventative medication that my neurologist had me on that caused me to gain 25, almost 30 lbs only 3 months ago.
I am miserable. I’ve reached VERY low points lately. To the point where I didn’t even want to live. I don’t want to feel that way. But things happen. Things you can’t control. People you can’t control. And those things and those people affect your life in a very serious way and make you feel completely hopeless.
But I’m ending that. I REFUSE to allow anyone to continue to have this kind of influence on my life. I’m now allowing myself to, pardon my French, give a rat’s ass about what anyone has to say or what they think. This is MY life. I am the one who has to wake up and and LIVE MY LIFE. The only person who’s thoughts or opinions matter are my own. And I don’t give a shit if that sounds selfish and people don’t like it. Don’t like it, write me off as a person who no longer exists to you. Won’t hurt me any.
Am I happy with the way my life is and the person I’ve become? Not really. But that’s for ME to change. That’s for ME to decide to do something about it. And it’s f-ing impossible to do something about it when you have people constantly causing you anxiety and stress and even verbally and mentally abusing you. Again, I’m ending that.
And if people actually love and care about me, they will allow me the time and the courtesy of not making things harder, not causing me extra anxiety and stress, and NOT trying to control or steer things their way. Because once again, it’s MY life, not anyone else’s. But the list of people who seem to really and truly love and care about me is a pretty short list.
I will get better health wise. I won’t let anyone stand in the way of that. Because my health right now is what’s standing in the way of my life turning around.
So, to anyone who wants to cause me problems, I suggest you get out of my way. Because I WILL run you right over.
So, I weighed in yesterday. I am only 1 pound away from being at my highest weight ever. Which, if you all remember, is 220 lbs.
This is a freaking wake up call. Well, that, and the disturbing picture taken of me (it’s a great picture of the other people in the picture) on September 1st at the Rock n Roll Half Marathon. My one arm is the size of both of my best friend’s arms. That’s truly disgusting. I’ve let things get way too far, and until I saw that picture, I hadn’t realized it fully.
I always told myself I would never let myself weigh this much again, and I have failed on that vow.
So, it’s time to get into “kick my own ass” mode.
And with that, I knew I needed something to really help me any way possible. And this woman was posting about free coaching on Team Beachbody. So I joined. It’ll be helpful to have a coach to go to, free of charge, to get advise, encouragement, etc.
If you’d like to take advantage of free coaching on Team Beachbody, here is Elizabeth’s page http://www.beachbodycoach.com/esuite/home/elizabethbenton and if you’d like to add me as a buddy on there, here is my profile http://www.teambeachbody.com/member/sn/hncotton
I really need to change things, everything, really. I need to work as hard as I can, change my eating habits, and just learn in general how to take better care of myself. There are so many things in my life I need to improve on. But right now, the most important thing is my health, my body.
Wish me luck!