Quarter Life Crisis
Posted May 21, 2012on:
190 days until I turn 30.
Am I freaking out? Oh no! Why on earth would I do that?! Only because I’m not even close to being where I should be at this age. I’ve done NOTHING close to what I should have done at this age. No, nothing like that.
No, at the age of 30, I thought I would have already graduated from college, had a decent paying job, been married, had a house, a decent car, been able to go on a vacation maybe once every year or two, at least.
Instead, I’m 6 months away from being 30, still living at home with my father, a single mother of two, with no job, no degree, with a car that’s not in the best shape, I’M not in the best shape, never been married, no chance of even getting engaged, but I have a boyfriend, and I can’t remember the last time I even went on vacation. In fact, what IS a vacation?
And when I go to make my “things to do before I turn 30″ list, I draw a blank. Really? I mean, really? I can’t even think of a single thing to do before I turn 30?! Oh, besides my half marathon in October. Which I’m training for. But besides that. What an imagination…
That brings me to another point. I used to have this wonderful imagination. I used to have all these amazing dreams. What happened to them? When did these things get sucked out of me? Did I realize at some point that “oh, these things are not going to happen, just erase them from your mind, don’t even dream anymore.” I’ve lost the ability to dream now? Is that what happens when you get old? Or older? Because I’m not really OLD yet, am I? I mean, according to my 9 year old, I am, everyone older than her is OLD, but really, is that what happens? When you hit a certain age, do you lose the ability to dream? All the things you once wanted, once had a passion for, is it all gone?
I need inspiration. I need to feel alive again. SOMETHING needs to happen.